I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
