In the future we'll all be gay
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hippo gnu deer
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
