i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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