the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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