sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
