This is not my ceiling
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
