Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
