She is in my trunk
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
