Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
