Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
