you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
