you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
