Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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