I hope mine doesn't look like that
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
