There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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