Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
