biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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