he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
