i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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