i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
