pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
