Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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