i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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