I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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