just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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