If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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