they need to just BURY HIM!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
