at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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