Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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