never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Two words: blizzard sex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
