Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
