Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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