Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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