The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
