you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
