I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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