it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
