Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
