I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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