is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
