You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
