We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
