Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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