Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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