ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
