Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
