Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
