i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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