i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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