So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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