Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it