i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.