we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
