hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
