just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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