Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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