I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
