Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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