we have pet lesbian snakes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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